Sometimes it is only in the person of another that I can see my path – a way for me. It's not really in what the person says or does, but rather something in how they are. I need to see this up-close and first hand. It's almost like a spark of something (hope?) that can travel from one person to another.
In the women I met at the breast cancer support group I can see, at a certain level, how I will be able to get through the surgery and treatment of breast cancer. They share with me their courage.
These last couple of days I have been watching the Carthusian monks filmed in “Into Great Silence”. They show me the way to quietness. I will never be a Carthusian monk – at least in this lifetime – but there is something in their calling that I also know in myself. I needed to see this calling enacted in their persons in order to know how to tap into it in my own life..
It is in quietness that the fear is abated, and I am sleeping much better. I am learning how to hold the quietness.
And then I realize how much John has taken care of me, all my life, in so many ways. For a while I liked to think that I was an “independent” woman, and could manage myself, by myself. Now I can see how silly that all is, and am beginning to see just how dependant I am, and how much we all need and depend on each other.