like a diamond ...: surgery date and 2nd thoughts

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

surgery date and 2nd thoughts

Today felt very confusing to me. I began to have 2nd thoughts about the type of reconstruction I had chosen. So I began to read some of the literature I have, and I talked to people. In the end, I’m back to where I think I’m ok with the decision to have the mastectomy and go more slowly with the reconstruction decisions.

I’ll wake up without a breast though :-( - but I’m ok with that, I think.

The surgery is scheduled for Monday, December 17th.

Dr. Rimmer is the surgeon,

...and Dr. Lickstein is the plastic surgeon.

I feel that they are both very competent and compassionate doctors.

like a diamond ...

Before the mastectomy, I saw an MRI image of my invasive breast cancer on a computer screen. This was the day before they did the MRI-guided biopsy. There was nothing vague about it – it looked clear and defined, bright and shiny – like a diamond. When I saw it, I did not know that it was cancer, and I asked the Dr. what else it could be. Oh, a density of fibrous tissue or something, he said. All I knew was that it was different from everything around it, and I have come to trust that my breast cancer is, indeed, some kind of treasure.

Though I write honestly, and sometimes perhaps flippantly and cynically, about my experiences with breast cancer and the medical system, I mean no disrespect to the professionals who treat me. I am incredibly grateful for their knowledge and skills, their very hands(!) – and I am humbled by the way they dedicate their lives (and days and nights) to the health and care of our bodies (my body!). The personalities of my doctors and their assistants, with all of their human variations, truly do bless and charm me.