Things are getting better.
For one thing, I think that some swelling is going down in my right (silicon) breast, so that I don't feel quite so freak-y looking. This all may work out without an additional surgery.
For another, I have an appointment with my primary surgeon on Monday. It's really just a final followup from the mastectomy surgery in Decemeber, but I also need some reassurance that everything, anatomically, is stable and ok - like, are you sure that that little strip of skin going down the center of my 2 breasts is not going to pop out??!
And ... I had lunch with 3 friends yesterday (2 women and 1 man) and they all told me that my breasts looked fine. Maybe a little lopsided, but nothing that was overly obvious.
I'm ready to let go of my hyper-sensitivity and move on.
Showing posts with label Dr. Rimmer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dr. Rimmer. Show all posts
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
just down ...
I am down now. Just down.
I had a major meltdown in the Gander Mountain Sports store
I went with John to the store and was looking at some of the exercise tops. Trying them on, I realized that, even with reconstruction surgery, I will never look normal, or be able to wear such things. The fake breast is higher, and with so much “cleavage” everything looks lopsided.
And I still hurt.
When I was diagnosed with 2 cancers in one breast, I wanted to have 2 lumpectomies with radiation, rather than a mastectomy. I got Dr. Rimmer to admit that my chances for recurring cancer would be the same with the lumpectomies (with radiation) as with the mastectomy, and that the ONLY reason for going with the mastectomy was cosmetic. He insisted that with 2 lumpectomies, I would end up with a deformed breast that I would never be happy with.
When I spoke with my cousin’s husband, who is an expert on breast disease, he said that 2 lumpectomies on one breast would be “out of protocol” and that I would have a hard time finding a surgeon who would do it.
Well, I have a deformed breast now. And 2 breasts that are very scarred.
I try to look at the bright side (I don’t have cancer), and I feel childish whining about the cosmetics, wishing I had my old breasts back. I will adapt, I guess.
But that’s the way I feel today. Disappointed.
I had a major meltdown in the Gander Mountain Sports store
I went with John to the store and was looking at some of the exercise tops. Trying them on, I realized that, even with reconstruction surgery, I will never look normal, or be able to wear such things. The fake breast is higher, and with so much “cleavage” everything looks lopsided.
And I still hurt.
When I was diagnosed with 2 cancers in one breast, I wanted to have 2 lumpectomies with radiation, rather than a mastectomy. I got Dr. Rimmer to admit that my chances for recurring cancer would be the same with the lumpectomies (with radiation) as with the mastectomy, and that the ONLY reason for going with the mastectomy was cosmetic. He insisted that with 2 lumpectomies, I would end up with a deformed breast that I would never be happy with.
When I spoke with my cousin’s husband, who is an expert on breast disease, he said that 2 lumpectomies on one breast would be “out of protocol” and that I would have a hard time finding a surgeon who would do it.
Well, I have a deformed breast now. And 2 breasts that are very scarred.
I try to look at the bright side (I don’t have cancer), and I feel childish whining about the cosmetics, wishing I had my old breasts back. I will adapt, I guess.
But that’s the way I feel today. Disappointed.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
the health insurance dilemma and other worries
To add yet another wrinkle to this saga, last week my husband was laid off from his job. We got our health insurance through his company. Not only does this make me incredibly mad – John had worked for this company for 11 ½ years, was a dedicated and gifted engineer – it also makes me sad that the bottom line always takes precedence over lives in this country.
Anyway – I guess for the next 30 days we are covered, and after that we are assured by “cobra” that if we pay for it ourselves, we can continue the coverage for another 6 months. I am expecting that the cost will be more than $1000 per month. Gee. We’ve already lost John’s income, so I’m not sure exactly how we are going to manage. I don’t know what happens after 6 months.
Universal Healthcare sure would be nice.
On Thursday I should get the results of the Oncotype DX assay test and know whether or not I am high risk for cancer recurrence. Supposedly 50% of the women who are in my category - early stage cancer, estrogen responsive, and clean lymph nodes – are in the low risk range and do not need chemotherapy. Another 25% are in the high risk range, and the other 25 % are somewhere in the middle.
I guess this means that my odds are good. Last week Dr. Rimmer said that he "would be very surprised if I needed chemo." I keep remembering the day I saw the MRI of my cancer on a computer screen. It looked shiny and bright, like a small diamond.
Anyway – I guess for the next 30 days we are covered, and after that we are assured by “cobra” that if we pay for it ourselves, we can continue the coverage for another 6 months. I am expecting that the cost will be more than $1000 per month. Gee. We’ve already lost John’s income, so I’m not sure exactly how we are going to manage. I don’t know what happens after 6 months.
Universal Healthcare sure would be nice.
On Thursday I should get the results of the Oncotype DX assay test and know whether or not I am high risk for cancer recurrence. Supposedly 50% of the women who are in my category - early stage cancer, estrogen responsive, and clean lymph nodes – are in the low risk range and do not need chemotherapy. Another 25% are in the high risk range, and the other 25 % are somewhere in the middle.
I guess this means that my odds are good. Last week Dr. Rimmer said that he "would be very surprised if I needed chemo." I keep remembering the day I saw the MRI of my cancer on a computer screen. It looked shiny and bright, like a small diamond.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Dr. Rimmer
I met with Dr. Rimmer yesterday. It was the last time I will meet with him before the surgery. In fact, it was only the 3rd time I have met with him, ever. The first time being when I was just coming in for the first time with a suspect mammogram; the 2nd time after the first biopsy came back positive. I have spoken with him a few times on the phone, though, and he told me that I could come back anytime before the surgery if I felt I needed to, without an appointment.
The office was a bit crowded and harried on a Friday afternoon, but Dr. Rimmer was patient and answered all of my questions. Even though I knew the answers, I needed to hear the answers from him. Again I wanted to know why he couldn’t do the 2 lumpectomies with radiation and again he told me that I would end up with a deformed breast that I would never be happy with. He all but implied that he simply would not do it. I wanted to know if he could preserve the nipple area, and yes, he could, but I would have no feeling there and it is possible that the ductal in situ carcinoma could have spread to that area.
He showed me where and how he would cut across my breast and lymph nodes, and told me that he would use the “skin preserving” technique so that when Dr. Lickstein puts in the “expander”, I will start out with a little mound of a breast, rather than being totally flat chested.
He has a nice style for a man who cuts off women’s breasts.
His hands are warm and he unabashedly touches – touches your breasts, your hands, puts his arm around you. Ordinarily I would find this a bit off-putting, but in this situation I find it somewhat reassuring.
I had been a bit confused about the type of reconstruction I would be having – silicon implants rather than the more complicated “trans-flap” surgery where skin and tissue is moved from the abdomen to the breast. They make an effort to not influence your decision and just give you the facts, but I saw Dr. Rimmer wince when I mentioned the abdominal surgery, and the nurse later told me that she felt the expander/implant technique was a good choice.
Dr. Rimmer says that I am going into the surgery with good prospects – the DISC (ductal in situ carcinoma) is a larger area, but has supposedly not reached the invasive stage; the invasive stage cancer is small. It is possible that the lymph nodes will not have been affected.
Finally, the nurse made the final arrangements with the hospital. The mastectomy will be done at 9:30AM with the plastic surgery phase following at 11AM. Hearing these times made it all a bit more real, like this is really going to happen. I’m still scared but am getting better I think.
Next week I go to get the blood tests, chest x-rays etc. that they need before surgery.
The office was a bit crowded and harried on a Friday afternoon, but Dr. Rimmer was patient and answered all of my questions. Even though I knew the answers, I needed to hear the answers from him. Again I wanted to know why he couldn’t do the 2 lumpectomies with radiation and again he told me that I would end up with a deformed breast that I would never be happy with. He all but implied that he simply would not do it. I wanted to know if he could preserve the nipple area, and yes, he could, but I would have no feeling there and it is possible that the ductal in situ carcinoma could have spread to that area.
He showed me where and how he would cut across my breast and lymph nodes, and told me that he would use the “skin preserving” technique so that when Dr. Lickstein puts in the “expander”, I will start out with a little mound of a breast, rather than being totally flat chested.
He has a nice style for a man who cuts off women’s breasts.
His hands are warm and he unabashedly touches – touches your breasts, your hands, puts his arm around you. Ordinarily I would find this a bit off-putting, but in this situation I find it somewhat reassuring.
I had been a bit confused about the type of reconstruction I would be having – silicon implants rather than the more complicated “trans-flap” surgery where skin and tissue is moved from the abdomen to the breast. They make an effort to not influence your decision and just give you the facts, but I saw Dr. Rimmer wince when I mentioned the abdominal surgery, and the nurse later told me that she felt the expander/implant technique was a good choice.
Dr. Rimmer says that I am going into the surgery with good prospects – the DISC (ductal in situ carcinoma) is a larger area, but has supposedly not reached the invasive stage; the invasive stage cancer is small. It is possible that the lymph nodes will not have been affected.
Finally, the nurse made the final arrangements with the hospital. The mastectomy will be done at 9:30AM with the plastic surgery phase following at 11AM. Hearing these times made it all a bit more real, like this is really going to happen. I’m still scared but am getting better I think.
Next week I go to get the blood tests, chest x-rays etc. that they need before surgery.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
surgery date and 2nd thoughts
Today felt very confusing to me. I began to have 2nd thoughts about the type of reconstruction I had chosen. So I began to read some of the literature I have, and I talked to people. In the end, I’m back to where I think I’m ok with the decision to have the mastectomy and go more slowly with the reconstruction decisions.
I’ll wake up without a breast though :-( - but I’m ok with that, I think.
The surgery is scheduled for Monday, December 17th.
Dr. Rimmer is the surgeon,
...and Dr. Lickstein is the plastic surgeon.
I feel that they are both very competent and compassionate doctors.
I’ll wake up without a breast though :-( - but I’m ok with that, I think.
The surgery is scheduled for Monday, December 17th.
Dr. Rimmer is the surgeon,
...and Dr. Lickstein is the plastic surgeon.
I feel that they are both very competent and compassionate doctors.
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