staying busy ... or not

Some of my friends are advising me to stay “busy” this next week. Except that busy – as in having lots of things to do – usually stresses me out.

I am the kind of person who can sit for hours with a cup of tea and watch the sunlight as it plays and makes shadows. Doing nothing relaxes me.

I understand that “worry” can easily creep in if I get too focused on myself. But I do like being quiet and alone.

And I have enough Dr.’s appointments next week to keep me busy. I have to see my primary physician, get blood tests, see the plastic surgeon one more time, have a pre-op consultation at the hospital and meet with the anesthesiologists, meet with an underwear woman for clothing that I can wear immediately after surgery. Each of those appointments will focus on my breast cancer and upcoming surgery, and that’s stressful enough without trying to solve other peoples’ computer problems as well.

I miss not having the extra cash that we have when I work, especially now, but sometimes extra cash is just not worth it.

choosing

It’s like I have a choice.

I can acknowledge the worry and fear – and sometimes I have to put all of my fear to word - but I can also choose to let my mind go down another path: a path of quietness. But I have to do certain things to better establish this path. Like little times of yoga. Like reading small parts of my “Book of Hours” through the day. Like taking Jubilee for walk or sweeping the back porch. Like writing to one of my prisoner friends. Like just sitting.