Friday, December 14, 2007

before a turning point

I am rather quiet. More quiet than sad. I don't have much of an appetite. When people call, I find that I don’t really want to talk about my health or surgery.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I was worrying about the “sentinel node biopsy” part of the surgery, and realized that I didn’t understand too much about that. So I got up and started researching it, only to find out that it involved injecting a radioactive substance into my breast prior to the surgery. Just the idea of a needle going into my breast now makes me a bit nuts. I called Mary Jean Houlihan this morning and she clarified for me that Dr. Rimmer does not use that technique, and that the radioactive dye would not be injected until after I was under anesthesia. Whew! I also called the Dr’s office to reassure myself that I would be able to speak to the Dr before the surgery on Monday morning. I want to remind him to be frugal and not take any more skin than he needs to.

Zangmo sent a Xmas cactus today, and Don & Ann (computer clients) just sent over a rather fancy robe and nightgown. Sometimes I feel like I am witnessing my own funeral! I get cards and phone calls from people I haven’t heard from in years. I am touched by how caring and thoughtful my friends are – and I still feel somewhat unworthy.

The night before we picked up Eric as a baby I remember writing and remarking how I was able to watch my life just before a turning point. I wonder if this writing is like that.