like a diamond ...: surgery

Monday, December 24, 2007

surgery - a week later

It has been a week since my surgery. I did not write.

There were too many things going on. My sister was here. There was the hospital, and all the medicine, and the nausea. Seeing the wierd thing that happened to my body – I thought I looked like an alien. The god-awful drains. And the pain, like a toothache, that just stays in my right non-breast. Everyone says that it will go away with time. I hope so. What if it doesn’t?

At first it seemed like I was doing well – walking, healing. Now it seems that I should be feeling better than I do. I am still tired. I still hurt. I still have a drain.

I think I need to start writing again, this time without an audience.

like a diamond ...

Before the mastectomy, I saw an MRI image of my invasive breast cancer on a computer screen. This was the day before they did the MRI-guided biopsy. There was nothing vague about it – it looked clear and defined, bright and shiny – like a diamond. When I saw it, I did not know that it was cancer, and I asked the Dr. what else it could be. Oh, a density of fibrous tissue or something, he said. All I knew was that it was different from everything around it, and I have come to trust that my breast cancer is, indeed, some kind of treasure.

Though I write honestly, and sometimes perhaps flippantly and cynically, about my experiences with breast cancer and the medical system, I mean no disrespect to the professionals who treat me. I am incredibly grateful for their knowledge and skills, their very hands(!) – and I am humbled by the way they dedicate their lives (and days and nights) to the health and care of our bodies (my body!). The personalities of my doctors and their assistants, with all of their human variations, truly do bless and charm me.