like a diamond ...: mountains, molehills, and shots in the arm

Friday, December 7, 2007

mountains, molehills, and shots in the arm

Boy, what a great shot in the arm my breast cancer support group was for me last night. They were able to put to rest many of my fears and apprehensions. One woman showed me her "expander" phase breast and I was surprised at how good it looked, scar and all. They all told me that the "drains" (which the whole idea of keeps me awake at night) were not going to be a big deal at all.

I feel like I may be making a mountain out of a molehill here. My sense now is that breast cancer/mastectomy is a lot more frightening for those who haven’t faced it, than for those who have.

I may even learn from these women how to be more gracious with praying.

like a diamond ...

Before the mastectomy, I saw an MRI image of my invasive breast cancer on a computer screen. This was the day before they did the MRI-guided biopsy. There was nothing vague about it – it looked clear and defined, bright and shiny – like a diamond. When I saw it, I did not know that it was cancer, and I asked the Dr. what else it could be. Oh, a density of fibrous tissue or something, he said. All I knew was that it was different from everything around it, and I have come to trust that my breast cancer is, indeed, some kind of treasure.

Though I write honestly, and sometimes perhaps flippantly and cynically, about my experiences with breast cancer and the medical system, I mean no disrespect to the professionals who treat me. I am incredibly grateful for their knowledge and skills, their very hands(!) – and I am humbled by the way they dedicate their lives (and days and nights) to the health and care of our bodies (my body!). The personalities of my doctors and their assistants, with all of their human variations, truly do bless and charm me.